This post is dedicated to the Facebook groups Every time I go to IKEA I steal the little wooden pencils! and Vrem IKEA la Durlesti 🙂

The article is written after my first purchase at IKEA Stockholm, Kugens Kurva (biggest IKEA store in the world, kind of…they haven’t seen yet the Stejaurul factory outlet in Chişinău 🙂 ).

IKEA is seen by many as the happiest place on Earth. I have even applied for a happy job in Älmhult (living room of Mr. Ingvar Kamprad). After being recruited as a supply planner and seeing my happy salary I have decided to leave immediately – I guess I am not mature enough to understand that happiness is not only about salary 🙂

IKEA is said to have been derived from I-Kill-Y(e)A due to the furniture’s ability to cause heart arrest in people who like popcorn. IKEA makes and sell flat-pack furniture but due to restrictions in the law in many nations are unable to deliver. Many people get around this by driving Volvo station wagons to IKEA and filling them to the brim with gaudy plastic tat made by Lars Larsson and Per Persson and as well Fredrick Fredricksson.

Three geeks getting excited over an IKEA catalog

Nevertheless what better way to spend Saturdays then by carrying a wardrobe through a car park or enjoying a meal of meatballs. IKEA is also a great place to spot the elusive argumentative couple, who can usually be found arguing over lamp shades and the right to bear arms. It has been proven beyond reasonable doubt that the reason for 50% of modern marriages ending in divorce is because those people try to go to IKEA together for a relaxing afternoon.

IKEA self-assembly furniture is made of balsa wood and comes with a small metal key. Instructions are usually of the standard “insert flange A into sprocket ZB-5001C” type. Unfortunately, the instructions are written in Japanese (not English or Swedish, contrary to popular belief), translated to Bulgarian, THEN Swedish, then German, Portuguese and finally Esperanto before being translated into English eaten by a grue. Fun stuff :).

Many Swedes have been banned from IKEA and taken to court for not returning the pencils that are given at the start to help fill in order forms. This created a new sport, which has not been officially named yet, where the participants run into IKEA and attempt to escape without either being caught or purchasing the popular KRAPP piece of furniture.

All of the items featured in IKEA are made with product specifications such as: they are 5 cm too big to fit into a car boot, they are missing at least one vital construction piece, the person who wrote the instructions thought it would be funny to include pictures of other instruction manuals.

IKEA was founded by the Swede Ingvar Kamprad, despite the chronic lack of style in design so typical of the Swedes. The only thing that mattered was supply chain management, namely persuading people to buy stuff directly from a warehouse.

Some tips about your shopping at IKEA:

# Having decided on which of the billions of items sold by IKEA it is that you wish to buy, you will need to visit your local store, which is probably at least 80 Swedish miles away 🙂 -~800KM.

# Take a pair of binoculars with you, because your item will be on the top shelf of a 70 meters high metal rack.

# Once you have located it, spend another hour attempting to locate a member of staff. They will tell you that, very shortly, a man will come with a ladder and get it down for you. The man will never come :).

Some importants facts about IKEA:

# The royal residence of the Swedish king has only furniture from IKEA.

# Where else can you get meals for 15 SEK in Sweden (25 MLD)? At least at IKEA Korvkiosk.

# IKEA names the furniture after the child labourer who designed and constructed it.

# Apple is suing IKEA over the Apple iKea

Now I guess you are curious, what item I bought from IKEA 😀 :

p.s. I have some official videos from IKEA: